So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
