"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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