i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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