I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
