The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
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I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize