i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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