im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You're a waste of cheezeits
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Randomize
