i would punch a child for taco bell
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
