oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
