I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
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Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
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In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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