Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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