The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
