So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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