I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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