Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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