I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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