.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
