my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.