Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.