Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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