Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.