he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
