Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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