dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
