Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize