we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
