And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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