Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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