He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
