You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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