This is not my ceiling
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
