took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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