Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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