So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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