Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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