You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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