Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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