oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
