what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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