he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I need to calm my uterus...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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