Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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