i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
