Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
