to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
