i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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