Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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