I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
