Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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