his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
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He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
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I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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