you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
