TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
