I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
