How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Enjoy the penises
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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