I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
