I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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