you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
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He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize