I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Dick very happy bro
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
