So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think I just sharted jello shots
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