Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
